Tu me Marques
by Zero to Hero
Summary: After Boxx and Alex's departure, Emma decides to rebrand herself and her company. But after listening to Harriet confess her feelings for a certain man, Emma looks at her own heart and is shocked by what she finds.


Summary: After Boxx and Alex's departure, Emma decides to rebrand herself and her company. But after listening to Harriet confess her feelings for a certain man, Emma looks at her own heart and is shocked by what she finds.

A/N: So I wrote another thing. This is a sequel of sorts to "Clarity," which is a fic I wrote from Alex's point of view. It is AU, since in canon Alex never returned to the office to say goodbye to Emma. Naturally, Emma decides to make over the office , but Alex isn't that easy to wish away. This is my interpretation of how Emma would react to Harriet telling Emma about her feelings for Alex, so it would take place after Episode 67.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Jane Austen and Bernie Su.

* * *

_Emma Approved_

"_**Tu me Manques"**_

* * *

Emma Woodhouse doesn't wallow.

She certainly doesn't wallow in ice cream and bad romantic comedies.

(It was a moment of weakness with the hoodie and the ice cream. Thankfully Harriet had been around to pull her out of things. She hadn't been back to either since).

That's not Emma Approved.

She does things.

She organizes.

_ No. Not organizing. _She organizes when she's stressed.

This isn't stress. This was revamping. Rebranding. A face-lift. Remodeling.

** Not** organizing.

She needed a project, and just not herself. Not only did she need a make over for her soul, she felt that the office also needed a make over (she kept telling herself it was due to her idea of changing her outlook on life, not the fact that two of her co workers had left and she had two empty offices that seemed haunted. That was coincidence). It was either a make over or an séance to cleanse the office of two ghosts, but even she knew she wasn't that far gone to actually believe that the office was haunted (though it sure felt like it at times).

Besides, it wasn't related to stress. This time it _is_ necessary. Alex is gone.

_ Alex is gone_.

It had been more than a week since he'd said goodbye and she hadn't heard from him since. The last time they went this long without speaking was after the whole Harriet/Martin debacle. His anger then paled in comparison now.

She shook her head as she continued through the halls of the office, paint swatches in hand. This wasn't a setback – it was an opportunity. It was time for a new direction. _Again_.

Of course, she really needed to find someone else to share that direction with her.

Alex had always scolded her about not taking her business classes seriously. She had teased that she always could hire someone to do the boring business-y stuff.

He'd even tried to push Maddy towards her, but, of course, Emma eschewed all Maddy's attempts to help her, instead focusing on "helping" Maddy.

Look at all the good that got her. Or, more importantly, Maddy. Maddy hardly got the clientele she deserved, and Emma remained as clueless as ever on important finances. She couldn't even figure out that stupid v-lookup function in Excel.

_Maddy_. Her friend's name still brought tears of shame to her eyes. How much kindness had Emma received from her over the years, only to repay her with cruelty and derision?

They had reconciled, and Maddy agreed to help Emma with the finances (with Emma as her client – Emma couldn't have it any other way). She would be serious about learning this time. She not only owed it to Maddy, but she _needed_ it. It would make her better. Faster. Stronger. More practical and principled.

Emma sighed. She was fooling herself.

It was more than just missing his business sense. She missed _him_. No one spies on her. No one pops in and asks her what she is scheming or questions her motives. No one checks her and restrains her if she goes overboard. Harriet did occasionally, but it wasn't the same. Emma could easily get Harriet to bend to her way of thinking – Alex did give into her at times, but she realized now it was more Alex humoring her than her influence over him.

She'd known Alex her whole life. How do you replace that?

Jane also hadn't been around since the Boxx disaster. Maddy had accepted her apology, but Jane refused to meet with her, and hadn't returned her calls, emails, or tweets. Not that Emma could blame her.

Emma hadn't made any plans for Jane's office. She knew Jane wouldn't be coming back and it was perfectly within her right to change it, but she couldn't enter that room without being overwhelmed with embarrassment and regret. She thought of how she pushed herself and her brand on Jane, never once thinking of what the other women would want, only on how _Emma_ could make _Jane's _life better. She never took a moment to think that Jane already had the better life.

Emma's mind snapped back to the present as she bumped into Alex's desk. She is surprised to find that it is mostly untouched. _Her_ design and aesthetic is everywhere; his office was more a reflection of her rather than himself. It is at once embarrassing and heartbreaking to realize that he had had so few personal items in his office.

She quickly retreats. She plans on leaving that room for last.

(She tells herself it is because Maddy is using it for now, but even she can't believe that).

* * *

xXx

* * *

Emma knew that her talk with Annie would be difficult. She was prepared for the worst.

The worst, it seemed, was nothing Emma could have imagined.

Her first response to the news that Jane and Frank had been dating was shock, followed by utter disbelief.

And then shame.

Surprisingly, she wasn't mad at Frank for her own sake. She meant what she said to Annie - Frank bruised her ego, for sure, but he hadn't broken her heart. No, remembering their interactions only made Emma ashamed of herself.

She was, however, furious with him over his treatment if the other two women in the office. After the shock wore off, Emma went straight to the camera in Jane's office. Most of the footage was like watching paint dry (seriously, Jane does a lot of typing and wastes no time on anything not related to work), but there was more footage of Frank and Jane together than she'd expected.

It was no wonder that Jane didn't respond to any of Emma's attempts at apology and reconciliation, but she was surprised (and mollified) that her name didn't come up more. Jane and Frank fought about his connections to Richmond Corp, not her. Maddy had suggested their break-up was due to something else Frank had done, not just his flirting with her, but until she watched the videos Emma believed Maddy was just trying to spare her any guilt. Still, she realized with a heavy heart that the last time Frank and Jane spoke in her office was right before he came to see her and he asked her to find him a date. _And the jams!_

Emma shook her head. She couldn't go down that road right now. She needed to focus on Harriet.

"Harriet, poor Harriet!"

Emma couldn't believe she was going to have this conversation again. It had only been a few months since Emma told Harriet about Senator Scumbag, and Emma had to yet again tell Harriet that the man she was interested in had no interest in her.

The only thing that kept Emma from sinking into total self-loathing was the reminder that Emma hadn't pushed Frank on Harriet - she had come to Emma. Still, she _was _responsible for encouraging Harriet to see more into his attentions, to look for signs in his behavior that showed his attraction matched her own.

_ "Harriet is not your client, she is not your protégé, she is your assistant, and she is fine just the way she is."_

_ "Leave. Harriet. Alone."_

_ "Badly done, Emma." _

Emma squeezed her eyes shut and counted to ten, willing Alex's voice out of her head. She didn't want to think of how disappointed he would be in her. Again.

_ Not Alex. Don't think about Alex. Harriet. Harriet and Frank._

She reached for her iPad but stopped. In addition to Maddy's financial advice, she also taught Emma that her apologies needed to be natural and authentic. She couldn't write a speech. Not for this.

Taking a deep breath, Emma headed to Harriet's desk. She found the younger girl pouring over a pile of binders, idly chewing on the end of her pen and mumbling to herself. "Harriet, do you have a moment?"

Harriet looked up, slightly startled. "Oh! Emma! I don't have the list of potential new clients completely done yet. I still have a few callbacks to finish, but I'll do that right now."

Emma put her hand on Harriet's as she reached for the phone. "Harriet, this isn't about work. Though you have been a godsend this past week. I can't thank you enough. I don't know what I would have done without you."

Harriet blushed. Even after all of Emma's coaching she still wasn't a hundred percent comfortable with receiving praise. "Emma, after all that you've done for me… Of course I'd be there for you. And I can't thank _you _enough. I don't know what I'd do without you!"

Emma chuckled nervously. "I think that might be a bit premature. I think you're going to be really upset with me."

"What do you mean?"

Emma swept her hair over her shoulder and took a deep breath. Her nerves were beginning to get the best of her. "Harriet, I need to talk to you about something. Something that Annie told me."

"Oh, you mean about Frank Churchill and Jane?"

Emma felt her jaw drop. She quickly recovered. "How do you know about Frank and Jane?"

"Maddy mentioned it the other day. I think after your lesson. She seemed really happy to get it out in the open. Isn't it weird, though? Frank and Jane!"

"Yeah. Weird." It was weird. What was going on? Why was Harriet so calm and cavalier? Surely she had to be upset – she was in love with him, wasn't she?

Harriet turned her attention back to her notes. "And they'd been together the whole time Jane worked here!" She laughed as she moved to her computer. "I completely missed it. You knew though, didn't you? You can see these things so well, and you were spending a lot of time with Frank—"

Emma cut her off. "No, I didn't know." That came out sharper than she meant. She laughed, and when she spoke again her voice was much softer. "I'm beginning to doubt my abilities with regards to love and relationships." Emma felt something strange brewing inside her stomach. "Harriet, do you really think that I would encourage your feelings for Frank if I knew he was dating Jane? If I knew that, I would have warned you!"

Harriet turned back to Emma, her face slightly red but mostly confused. "Warned me? About Frank Churchill? Why would you need to do that?"

"Because you like Frank."

"You think I like Frank Churchill?"

"Yes!"

"Emma, I know it's been a rough few weeks and you've been…distracted," Harriet seemed to be choosing her words carefully, "but I've never liked Frank." Her eyes widened. "Oh my God! Do you think _Jane_ thought I liked Frank?"

"Harriet," Emma gently touched her shoulder to stop her from spiraling. "I'm sure Jane is fine with you, but you did like him, didn't you?"

Harriet wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "No. I mean, I like Frank as a _person_, but not…_romantically_." She eyed Emma carefully. "Why did you think I liked Frank?"

Emma sat back and squared her shoulders. "You told me."

"I never told you that. I don't think that. I never did."

"No, you did! We were in my office, and I was talking to you about bring a date to Boxx, and you said that you were afraid that he didn't think of you romantically. I told you to look at his actions to see if he returned your feelings. "

Harriet's face turned bright red. "You mean the conversation that never happened?"

"What?"

She could practically feel the heat radiating from Harriet. "You said that we wouldn't say his name. That the conversation never happened."

"So you know what I'm talking about."

"Yes, I remember, but that wasn't about Frank."

Emma felt her own face flush with frustration. "You said he rescued you!"

She could see the wheels turning in Harriet's mind. "Oh!" Harriet brightened. "Oh, Emma, you've got it all wrong. I can't believe you misunderstood me, especially when we talked about him – smart, successful, handsome, charming, funny, and kind." Her face lit up even more. "You've known him forever. How could you not know who I was talking about?"

"Harriet?"

"I was talking about Alex."

Emma swallowed hard. She felt that the world had shattered and quickly put itself back together, but none of the pieces fit right. She had to focus to control her breathing. "Alex?"

"Of course! I thought you knew that."

Emma scooted closer to Harriet. "Harriet," she forced a smile. "Harriet, I remember you said it was Frank."

"No. Remember, you said we shouldn't even say his name."

"But you talked about how he saved you. How you went miserable to incredibly happy! Frank rescued you!" Surely that wasn't her voice? It sounded too high. "I told you to make sure that you didn't confuse love with gratitude. Frank!"

"Rescued me?" Harriet paused for a moment. "Oh, you mean my car!"

Emma nodded. Harriet had been clear as day – even if she didn't name Frank (and Emma still believed she _did_ – she'd have to look back at the video), how could Emma misconstrue that? Who else rescued her?

"I was talking about Alex and the Eltons."

"The _Eltons_?" _What the hell did they have to do with anything?_

"The Eltons and their engagement party. Don't you remember?"

Emma looked past Harriet's gesturing hand and caught a glimpse of her computer. Harriet's background was a picture of Alex and her dressed up to go to the Elton's engagement party. Emma remembered the picture. She was in the original – here she had been cropped out.

"Senator Elton and Mrs. Elton changed the seating arrangement so I couldn't go, and Alex then came into your office and said he would take me as his plus one."

Emma had to close her eyes. The room suddenly was too bright and was spinning. "This is a mistake."

"Mistake?" Even in her panic (surely that was what was happening to her chest – why did it hurt?) Emma couldn't miss the edge in Harriet's voice. "Emma, you told me that he could like me. You said 'More wonderful things have happened.' You weren't lying to me, were you? Laughing at me?"

"No, I would never! I mean, it's just –- are you sure that he likes you back?" She paused to compose herself. "I don't want to see you hurt again."

"Oh, Emma. This isn't like Senator Elton. How could it be? And how could it be Mr. Churchill? It's Alex." Her faced softened and she had almost a dream-like glow to her features. "No, he does. He does like me, Emma, I know it! He's always complimenting me…He offered to help me with the budgets for the baby shower and Boxx. He helped me with my car, recommending his mechanic and getting me a deal on the tune up so I could afford it. We carpooled together!"

Emma was more amazed that she said this with so much confidence. Harriet said this while her in the eye.

"He sent me a text this morning and seemed really happy to talk to me."

Emma's heart stopped. "You heard from Alex?"

"Yeah. I tweeted him last night, and he texted me back today. He said he was happy to hear from me."

_Harriet tweeted Alex. Alex texted Harriet._

Emma could hear her heart pounding in her ears, and her almond mocha latte was not sitting well in her stomach. This was a nightmare. She hadn't prepared for this. Why, why, _why_ was it so much worse that Harriet liked Alex? Why did it make her sick to think that Alex might like her back? Harriet was her friend!

"I know what you're thinking, Emma."

"You do?"

"Yes. You're thinking of the Senator. This isn't like that, I promise!"

"It's not?" To Emma it was _exactly_ like the Senator.

"No. Not at all. I mean, really, who thinks that people can bound romantically over yogurt?"

Emma's face burned and she set her jaw.

"This is real, Emma. I can feel it!" She paused. "Do you really think it's that crazy that he would like me?"

_Is it really that ridiculous of an idea?_

Alex had been complimentary of Harriet from the beginning. He recommended her as Emma's assistant. He repeatedly told Emma that Harriet was fine without Emma's influence. Hadn't he told her that Emma had chosen better for Senator Elton than he had chosen for himself?

"No. No, I don't think it's crazy, Harriet," Emma said quietly as Harriet beamed at her. "Alex is not the type of guy to lead girls on."

She couldn't make much more of this. Not another minute.

"Harriet?"

"Yes, Emma?"

It took everything in Emma to flash a patented "Emma Approved" grin at Harriet. "You've been working so hard lately. You should take some time for yourself! Take the rest of the day off!"

"Really? Emma, are you sure? I mean, we're getting things back on track, and you've…"

"I'm sure." Emma waved her hand, trying to be nonchalant. "Besides, we don't want you to get overwhelmed either. We don't need anyone else running around here in sweatpants and scrunchies."

Harriet laughed. "Okay. Okay!" She flung her arms around Emma. "Thank you, thank you, Emma!"

Emma pulled away quickly. "I'll wrap things up for the day. Don't worry about anything. Go!"

Harriet flashed her one more smile before rushing out.

Tears immediately began to fall and once again Emma struggled to catch her breath. What was happening?

* * *

xXx

* * *

A half a box of tissues, a quick make-up retouch, and an almond mocha latte later, Emma sat down in front of her camera in her office. She took a deep breath to compose herself, counted to ten, and smiled at the camera.

"So today's been an odd day. I started the remodeling, which is very important. When there is change in your life, sometimes you need to embrace it and change yourself. Or in this case, your business and your office.

"But change isn't always good, and sometimes you do need to fight to keep things the same."

She could feel the tears coming back. "This is ridiculous," she whispered. After another moment, she turned back to the camera. "So Harriet. How much has she changed? And Alex! He hasn't changed at all! He was right about Jane and Frank. And he—"

Another deep breath. "And I was wrong _again_. I've been so anxious the past few days, worrying about Harriet's feelings for Frank, but she's never been interested in him." Breath. "She likes Alex."

Breath. "How could I have missed this? I mean, there were signs. She bid on him at the auction!"

Breath. "And why wouldn't she be crazy about him? I mean, there's no comparison between the two. Yes, Frank's charming and exciting, but look what that's brought poor Jane? What he did to Annie! And he's not genuine. Look at me? How can you trust him?

"Alex is the most trustworthy and genuine person I know. And he's charming in his own snarky way. Sure he's stubborn, and often too serious and practical. He does love numbers. He lives for correcting people, especially me. He prefers climbing rocks over dancing, but he has such a good heart. You should see him around John and Izzy's kids. And he would never abandon family for business. He's always there for people when they need his strength and support, but he's never afraid to call people on their—their bullshit." Breath. "He just wants those around him to be the best they can be."

Breath. "Harriet and Alex as a couple is just wrong. Harriet shouldn't be with Alex. She's 23. What does she knew about love? She needs to be dating and making mistakes and finding out what she like and doesn't like.

"Alex Knightley may be many things, but he's not a mistake."

She couldn't help her voice from cracking on the last word.

Alex Knightley wasn't her idea of a mistake. Nor anyone's who had a bit of common sense.

Emma Woodhouse, on the other hand, makes mistakes. Many of them.

And this may be her biggest.

"How could I have missed this?" she whispered.

"No. Alex couldn't be in love with Harriet. Could he?

"I mean, the Elton engagement party – that was just Alex being nice. Chivalrous. That's who he is. He always does what's right. Same with the carpool. He saw a friend in need of a ride. Practical!

"And I guess he's said nice things about her. She's cute. And that q and a video they did together was cute."

_ "Harriet is fine, just the way she is."_

_ "You were right too. You chose better for him than he did for himself."_

"He can't—"

She couldn't stop the sob that ripped from her chest. Once again, her world fell apart, and this time the pieces not only didn't fit, but some were missing.

After several minutes, she turned back to the camera. "I am Emma Woodhouse, and I love Alex Knightley."

She wiped her tears away and smoothed back her hair.

"This whole thing is a mess. And I did it.

"How could I have missed _this_? My God, I've been in love with him for _years_. How could I not? I've known for forever that Alex was the best possible man I know. That I will _ever_ know. How could I think that Frank Churchill deserved my attention over him? I _never_ loved Frank Churchill. How could I when Alex was around?

"And how could I have taken advantage of him? Taken advantage of all the times he's helped me? Cared for me? I always, _always_ wanted Alex. I've always wanted him to understand me! And how many times have I cried over him when he was disappointed in me! And now—"

Breath. "Now nothing. I haven't even _heard_ from him since he left."

"_Badly done, Emma."_

"Oh! He was so disgusted with me. Not just disgusted with me, but repulsed. Appalled. Revolted. I'm so disgusted with me. There's no way—" she sniffed. "There's no way he could ever feel this way about me. Not after everything I've done. How ridiculous I've been! How ignorant and heartless! How could I ever think that I could match people up when I have no idea about love and that I loved Alex! That I'm _in love_ with him!"

She would lose him. For so long, she was the most important woman in his life. Even when he was with his girlfriend from business school he would put her first. She knew he cared about her. She'd seen it. She'd _felt_ it.

But now…

Harriet thought she was right for Alex, and that she could make him happy. That he could be happy with her.

Emma couldn't say the same for herself. There was no hope.

He would still be in her life. His brother's marriage to her sister promised that. But still – Alex was his own man. Didn't he skip the family Thanksgiving this year? _Because of you_, she reminded herself.

It wouldn't be enough. She'd be lying to herself to think otherwise.

No, he would never love her. Not after Boxx. Not after Frank. Even with her apology to Maddy and her new dedication to bettering herself. Regardless of what she did, she would never be good enough for him and his love.

Maybe she never had a chance.

She turned back to the camera, realizing that it was the only thing that had been with her throughout this whole project. The camera and her damn cluelessness. "It's been a very revealing day." Breath. "I've been working on my comeback. Working to improve myself and to understand myself.

"And I understand now that I love Alex Knightley."

Breath. "And I know that he will never love me back."

For the first time in months, she turns off the camera.

* * *

xXx

* * *

She doesn't pine. After that first day, she doesn't cry anymore.

She doesn't eat ice cream. She doesn't wear sweats.

She doesn't get mad at Harriet.

She continues her comeback and her rebranding.

But she's still disappointed in herself.

And she can't stop thinking about him. She is so angry with him.

Mostly because he was right.

It wasn't just that she wanted him; she _needed _him in her life. She didn't want to need Alex. But she did.

She never realized how important it was that she was the most important woman in his life.

She never realized that it wasn't just missing him – without him, she was missing a part of herself.

She hated feeling that way, that she needed another person to make her complete. But Alex Knightley wasn't just any person.

The next day, after an almond mocha latte and a quick round of organizing the files on her desktop, she turns back to her footage from the day before. The pain is still raw, but she edits the video just as she would any other video.

She saves it as "Tu me masques." She bitterly notes that the only other time she used a French phrase for her title was the video when Senator Elton fired her. Another rejection of love.

Another video of her organizing.

Another video of crying.

Another video of the world crumbling around her.

It was just another video on her journey to greatness.

But this time there was no Alex.

* * *

…

_You are missing from me._


End file.
